So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
