Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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