it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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