$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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