Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize