I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
wanna go halves on a baby?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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