I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize