If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize