I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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