Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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