Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
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She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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