I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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