party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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