I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize