Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How external is "for external use only"?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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