He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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