My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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