I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
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He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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