when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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