thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
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Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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