u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
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Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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