This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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