i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize