I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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