I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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