I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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