the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Damn victory sex feels great
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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