after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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