I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
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She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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