Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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