Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
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I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize