I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize