you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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