My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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