Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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