so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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