Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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