He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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