Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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