my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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