Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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