I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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