it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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