Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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