using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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