Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
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He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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