We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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