I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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