i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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