there's paper in my vomit.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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