What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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