I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
